Before the pandemic, you had a burning mission to make attention-grabbing, thought-provoking art that would fly straight off gallery walls and into art history. Today you are at the bottom of the vaccination list and live in your parents’ basement. Your ideas are blocked and the world has changed drastically, but being an artist is all you can do.
Answer these questions and add up the dots to see if you still have the fire to rekindle your smoldering enthusiasm.
1. A well-known independent curator follows you on Instagram and likes some of your older posts. You:
a. Quickly slip into your DMs and suggest a visit to the studio.
b. Like an old picture of him parasailing in St. Moritz with Patti Smith and Leo DiCaprio.
c. Block this online predator.
2. Squarespace sends a payment notice for your artist website. They haven’t updated it since March 2020 and even then it had to be worked on. You:
a. Never open the email as you will not be able to remember your login information.
b. Pay for another year, change the homepage font, and start looking Framing by Britney Spears back on your phone.
c. Buy the three year renewal package, update your resume, and diligently add pictures of your latest work.
3. One of your fellow students now has a blue-chip gallery and a large studio with many assistants. He asks if you would be interested in working as a studio manager. You:
a. Accept the position and suck studio visits away from all of his powerful contacts.
b. Take the job and start paying off student loan debt that your new employer could easily cover with a painting.
c. Check the mail for your $ 1,400 from Joe Biden so you can double up on Chuck E. Cheese #stonks that you bought with your unemployment. We did it Joe, it still holds!
4th Even if your name is on their list, your gallery owner haunted you long before Covid. Worse, she never clicked the WeTransfer link to download the pictures of the new work you recently sent. You:
a. Send your gallery owner an SMS and offer her your grandma’s vaccination appointment.
b. Advise them to close art galleries from a distiller account.
c. Add the finishing touch to your Etsy tarot candle shop.
5. A gallery that you have never heard of in Düsseldorf has registered with an invitation to a group exhibition by DM. It sounds good, but they want you to package and pay for the shipment with a promise of a refund. You:
a. Contract Covid from the Staples representative who helped you find bubble wrap.
b. Write an outraged response that includes a link to the wage fee calculator.
c. Say yes and start spamming your alumni list with the good news right away.
6th An artist friend asks you to be a Zoom guest in his BFA class, but he can’t pay. You:
a. Politely decline by saying your laptop is too old to run the latest version of Zoom.
b. Deliver a dynamic three-hour artist presentation that inspires students to do great things.
c. Don’t prep and rant about artists not being appreciated while sipping whiskey from a mug.
7th Your work was not selected for a juried exhibition entitled “Community in the Time of Covid” and your final application for an artist grant was rejected. You:
a. Proceed to the Creative Capital Scholarship due next week. The sixth time is the charm!
b. Read the highlighted sections in your dog-eared copy of. once again How do you become an artist by Jerry Saltz.
c. Complain about the culture to your 37 followers on social media.
0-4: You were an imaginative, precocious creative kid whose love for drawing was the gateway drug you exposed to the pimps and pimps of the art industry. Quarantine turned out to be the rehab you didn’t know you needed. Sleeping on a sofa last year taught you resilience and prepared you for your next challenge. Say goodbye to the arts and welcome a bright future in the oral massage industry.
5-9: Nothing will ever diminish your love of art or your need for creativity, but you can clearly see the difference between work and hobby. Being in a lively community is more important to you than constantly climbing a StairMaster into nowhere. Painting watercolors that you give as a birthday present to friends and family still gives you inexplicable joy. You can wear a Uniqlo Warhol t-shirt with no pain or remorse.
10-14: Her passion borders on pathological. Quarantine regulations are just as meaningless to you as bad reviews. Nothing will ever stop you from going to the studio or completing an exhibition. You may be the only participant in your opening, but you won’t miss a thing. As others flee the art world, you come with a shovel to invite their sloppy second sales and biennials. You are terrifying.